If you know anything at all about castles, then you know you can’t have a castle without a dragon. That’s just the way it works. Ask around, and you’ll see I’m right. Or you can just take a trip to England and ask someone over there. Whole lotta castles in England, and those castles have been there for eons. No such thing as a brand new castle. A real castle has some serious history attached.
Which, of course, would explain why there aren’t many castles over here on this side of the pond. America ain’t old. It’s what you might call a kiddy country, and castles ain’t for kids. Most castles reach back to a time when history was a lot more fun than it is now. Way back when everything was once-upon-a-time and certain things may or may not have happened as reported, but whatever was reported was considerably more interesting, even if slightly less factual.
OK. A lot less factual.
Anyway, I’m a dragon. Name’s Ted. I’ve been a part of Castle El Moore for ohhhh…let’s say 723 years. Or thereabouts. Just remember what I said about that way way back kinda history, and you should have no problem with what I’m about to tell you. So like I was saying, I’m old. Even for a dragon. Those of you who inhabit the El Moore these days, and who happen to be reading this, may be wondering why you haven’t seen me hanging around. It’s because my lair is dug way down deep below the castle and I don’t get out much anymore. My wings are getting tired, and I can’t breathe fire like in the old days. Although you guys in the basement apartments might have noticed the rooms getting a tad toasty at times.
So I was saying about those 723 years I’ve been with the El Moore. I’m sure some of you literal historian types got all fidgety reading that because you’re so sure that the El Moore wasn’t built until eighteen hundred and something or other. Yeah, well. There’s history, and then there’s history. And I was around back there during history, so I happen to know that the building you all think you know as just the El Moore was built not by that A.C . Varney guy, but by yours truly and my brother Bob, who had a thing for Detroit even before it became known as Detroit. Bob moved to San Francisco a couple hundred years ago, but be that as it may, he’s the one who designed that exceptionally cool turret you see up top, so I figure he should get a pass.
But the unusual thing about Castle El Moore is where it was first built. Stay with me here, but it was Bob who actually built the original castle in, you guessed it, England. Then along comes this Varney guy several hundred years later while he’s on some sorta vacation with the wife and he sees this original Castle El Moore. Loves it. I happen to notice him loving it, so I stroll over and we strike up a conversation, which leads to me and Bob making a deal with the guy.
“I would very much like to duplicate this magnificent structure in Detroit,” he says.
“And we would very much like to help you out, but it’s gonna cost you,” says Bob. “Castles ain’t for free, and this one’s special.”
“I can see that it is. So perhaps we might come to an agreement..?”
We did. We would have shaken on it, but that probably would have cost Varney an arm. So we just gave him the blueprints and called it a day. A very lucrative day on our end, if I do say so myself. It’s a little known fact that we dragons are quite good at business. Part of the deal was my custom-built lair, which is really something else. Hat’s off to Varney and his crew.
Next thing you know, there’s this castle in Detroit. And the rest, as they say, is history.